last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
