We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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