uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
