And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we're making bets on your personal life
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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