I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
