he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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