He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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