i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
