so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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