There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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