I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
