Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
