I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
