I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dicks are not precious.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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