The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
