My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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