think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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