My first STD was from a foam party
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
