batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
