i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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