I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
