I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
