ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
