1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
