So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
