Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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