Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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