dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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