We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize