my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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