you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
