i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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