I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
