Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
