I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize