Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
