That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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