I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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