It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
