he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
