So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
love makes seman taste better
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
