please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
