Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
