my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
