i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We have so much sex to catch up on
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
