We need to rekindle our bromance
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
