she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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