Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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