The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
why is half of my head shaved?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
