i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
