My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize