My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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