I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
