I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
