You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
