I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
