I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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