I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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