but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
