i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
