help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
