She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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