so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I need moral support for this bender
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
