Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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