the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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