she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
