He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
