Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
