I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
